Marketing in general is a nasty business. It is people’s job to exaggerate, mislead, misrepresent or lie. The mattress industry is the worst. It’s very competitive, most buyers have money to spend, and are often elderly or just desperately trying to manage health conditions. New companies, with ridiculous claims, are popping into existence weekly.

Buyer  beware!

Your intelligence is being assaulted! The sheer audacity of these false claims. The inability to solve the problem of temperature and moisture control. I understand the mattress business is a billion dollar industry, but how stupid do you think we are?

Dear manufacturer or marketer. No names, no pictures. But you know who are!

A breathable memory foam

Open cell or closed cell. It’s a fucking foam! Put this foam over your mouth and see how well you can breath.

A cooling gel

We understand that something that is a little liquidy will have a higher heat conductivity. But most of the discomfort is localized and the “gel” is not adequate to properly transfer localized heat. It’s a fucking lie. Tried it. Wasted some money.

A cool polyester pad

You want polyester filling in your parka. Maybe your pillow. That shit is meant to trap and retain both moisture and heat. This is why it’s used for insulation. When you sell us a mattress pad that has polyester inside you want us to be warm, right? Why call it cooling then? It’s can’t possibly work. Tried it. Wasted some money so you don’t have to.

Channels heat away

How is that even possible? More fucking lies.

A proprietary mattress design

Right, same shit inside, but in slightly different order. Or perhaps some crap added that is not needed for anything, except for you to say it’s proprietary. Many mattress manufacturers do not show the cross section of their mattresses while making outrageous claims. Why? because they all have pretty much the same stuff inside. Some springs, some tarp, and some foam. Even the foam itself is pretty much the same everywhere.

Try it for 100 nights

Right. It’s people’s nature to get used to things and not actively seek change. Plus people don’t want the hassle. And this is how they get you.

A certified ventilated cooling memory foam topper

OK, this one is really good. Certified by whom? Have you even tried it? The mattress topper has little holes on it to vent. I respect that. But when my big ass lies on these tiny holes they get squished – as in closed. No more ventilation between my ass and a piece of polyester (mattress top) with a sheet in between.

A cooling latex topper

Same as regular foam, perhaps even worse. Even if it has little holes. Try breathing though rubber. You bought this already because latex it the latest shit and now you are surprised your balls are sweaty? Hmm… I don’t know…